Utila Island in Honduras

DIVING: MY PERSONAL CHALLENGE

For my part, I have a sacred objective to achieve. Being claustrophobic, diving is a real challenge for me. I have to tame my mind and it is not easy every day. Emotionally and psychologically, I have a hard time. The dives follow one another, the anxiety attacks too, not to say panic. The days follow one another, I continue despite everything the dives, I am determined. Marta and the group encourage me. Victory: I finally got over the problem. Happy to have pushed back my limits, I explore the depths with delight. I finally have access to this hidden world which reveals its colors to me a little more each day. The life that takes place there is fascinating (seahorses, angel fish, barracudas, cow fish, squid, various rays... ) I can see myself tracking this couple of small fish with shining blue sapphires anchored to their backs. How could nature have created something so beautiful? Excited by this new world that is offered to me, I decide to continue my conquest of the depths by passing the Advanced Certificate. I find myself diving to 30m. Martha, our teacher, brought an egg that she breaks to this depth. The pressure works in such a way that we can toss the yolk between us like we would toss a ball. Unbelievable ! And funny ! We visit a wreck, it is like in the movies. Then comes night diving to get this diploma. This dive must end with the extinction of the flashlights in order to observe the bioluminescence. I dive, worried but motivated. The session seems endless, I feel really bad, I fight to overcome my anxieties. It is the new moon, you cannot see anything down there. The surrounding darkness increases my stress. I feel trapped and confused. I maintain everything while concentrating as much as possible. After 25 minutes of an endless struggle, my brain races. Like a galloping racehorse, I go into panic mode. I grab Marta gasping, trying to contain me. She energetically shakes her head no, shining her light on her. The vision is downright horror movie. My ultra-rapid breathing makes me go up like a balloon without me even noticing it. I suddenly realize that I am on the surface of the water, alone, searching below for Marta while trying to understand why she is abandoning me. My neurons are at a standstill, I do not understand anything. The reality is that she has no choice but to secure the group by entrusting it to the other instructor and to respect the decompression stop. Everything derailed so quickly, I imagine her fears. From my side, I am just going to end up suffocating in my hyperventilation. In short ! A desaster. She ends up reassuring me and calming me down. Results of the races: I spent the regulatory 20 minutes, I got the certificate but my morale was down. I saw this moment as a failure, a personal regression. Two weeks to progress every day to end miserably on this stage. I made the boat trip back to the bottom of the hole. Marta is a sweetheart, she is infinitely tender with me. I thank her very much for that. She will do everything possible to value my efforts and my successes. I fall asleep on it. Anyway I am a pitbull, when I grab the calf, I do not let it go. As the saying goes: "when you fall off your horse, you have to get back in the saddle right away". The next day, I leave determined to do my 2 free dives. No way I am ending there. I dive in, regain control of myself and manage to overcome my fears again. Admittedly, I cannot dive at night, but is that so important? I pushed my limits and that is the main thing. It is in this state of mind that I end my internal battle. I will leave Utila stronger than when I arrived, head held high with my 2 diving certificates. Goal achieved !